When I first started this new phase of my life, I did not know that it was going to bring me to a place that I had searched for my entire life.
I simply went to rehab because I thought I needed help with a substance abuse issue. Once I got here, I started to realize that my issue was not substance abuse. This was just a symptom of my issues with life. Before rehab, I was alone, I did not understand my purpose in life, and I could not see how I could make my life better. When I finally got to a place where I was willing to accept help, I started to listen to people that I could see were living the way I wanted to live, and my life slowly got better. I asked for help to get sober, and in that help I found Recovery.
Even when in a crowd of people, I felt alone. From the time I woke up each day, I was always trying to find a way to escape this feeling of not being a part of daily life. Even after times of great fun with friends, I would immediately get home and start to feel that feeling of being by myself. Most of the time when I was having fun, it would be overshadowed by so much fear that it would come to an end and I would not be able to enjoy the moment because I was obsessed with being alone. The program at Ventura Recovery Center helped me to learn to escape that loneliness, and become present in my daily life. Recovery has taught me not to be afraid of the end of a time of fun because I know there will be more fun in the future.
Before I started this process, I thought my purpose was simply to accumulate stuff, and fill up my life with things that I thought would make me happy.
Money, Cars, Clothes, Homes-none of these made me happy. Once I had acquired my next dream item, I would always have to move on to the next thing. I would not be able to be happy with what I had. I always needed more, and no matter what I got the empty feeling just came right back. When I got into Recovery, all of this changed. I started to work with others, and seeing my Recovery in them helped me to gain a respect for my life, and a real purpose that was not related to anything I own.
Being at a point of not knowing where to go, what to do, how to make my life better, my only option was to ask for help. I always thought that asking for help was a sign of weakness, but now that I look back it was one of the most courageous points in my life. Admitting that I did not have all the answers, and could not think my way out of the desperate situation that had become my life was the only way that I could get to the point where I am now. When I asked for help, the cavalry I expected showed up. They did not look like I expected, but that did not matter. They did exactly what was needed to help me change my life.
I started the process to simply get sober, and through it I found Recovery.
To me, Recovery means waking up with a sense of purpose every day, being a part of a community that cares about me as a person, and helping others find solutions to live life. I came to rehab to get sober, and I found a solution to the problems that had plagued me all my life. I am not alone, I have purpose, and my life is better. I never thought this would happen, but it did. I am so glad I wanted to get sober, because that was the catalyst that helped me stumble into Recovery, and find a new way to live.